S Is For Screeching

S is a screecher.  When she is crying or upset it starts off fairly normal and then escalates to a sound that I equate to fingernails on chalkboard.  I never like to hear any of my girls crying but when S does it triggers something deep inside of me that says, “You must fix whatever is wrong.  Now!”

 

Nighttime is the worst for it too.  When S is overtired, teething, or anything like that, the screeching goes on and on and on.  I don’t know how her sister sleeps through it but I thank God she does.  Most of the time anyway.  And the worst part is that nothing I do ever seems to help.  Indeed, I normally make matters worse.  She has to start the decompression process all over again.

 

This seems to happen once every few weeks with S.  When I am lucky it happens early in the night, like it is tonight.  When I’m not lucky, it happens at 11 pm or 2 am and always a weeknight, never a weekend.

 

I sometimes forget that my impatience isn’t always manifested as snapping at people or barking orders.  Sometimes it looks like me rushing in to hold my child – to save her from whatever is wrong in her world and fix things.

 

But that isn’t what she truly needs.  She has to learn to settle herself once I have taken care of those few things that I can do.  In the coming years, I will have to restrain myself from jumping in and fixing things too early many times – as she learns to walk, tie her shoes, ride a bike, fall in love, and make the big decisions in her own life.  It will not be easy for either of us and I am sure there will be times that I will make things harder for her by trying to make them easier.  But with patience, we will both learn our own lessons.

 

And tonight’s reward for patience is the sound of silence through the baby monitor.

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